Balance

Balancing time when you have a full time job, a doting family and a busy social life can be difficult enough. Add a relationship into the mix, and that makes it 1000x worse.

In the past I can admit that I have been pretty selfish when it comes to splitting time with my friends and my partner at the time. I'd thought that I'd learnt my lesson after numerous occasions grovelling to my best friend and that this time around I'd actually managed to split my time fairly evenly.

Apparently I was wrong.

Having a friend challenge that has made me question my judgement. Not only is this something that I'm not used to. It made me not just question the amount of time I spend with my boyfriend, but how I actually spend my time full stop.

I'm usually a very self confident person and don't doubt myself very often, so having a friend cause that (even though their intentions were good) is not a nice feeling.

Worrying that people think that you are a bad friend isn't a nice feeling either, especially when you're an anxious person like me who worries about everything anyway. Worrying that they think that of you because you're spending time with the person who makes you happiest when you're feeling low, doesn't make your low mood any better.

At the end of the day, humans are programmed to be selfish. You could be the most selfless person on this Earth, but every once in a while you're gonna slip up and put yourself first. It's part of human nature.

So yes, I may spend a little more time with my boyfriend than I do my friends. Yes I wish I did spend more time with them because I don't take for granted that they're there for me when I need then. But no, I'm not going to apologise for it. If spending time with the person I love is going to drag me out of the impending darkness and stress of life, and the balance that I have works for me, then that's what I'm going to stick with.

Don't apologise for putting yourself first, because at the end of the day if you always put others before yourself, you may as well have 'WELCOME' tattooed on your forehead.