Day 5

My mum and I broke our Christmas tradition today, and instead of going for a mulled wine after finishing out Christmas shopping, we went for an all you can eat Chinese.

IT. WAS. GREAT. I mean not quite The Emperor, but still just what I needed!

In the last month or so, I've not really had much of an appetite and on the odd occasion may have forgotten to eat because I didn't feel hungry. This has lead to me dropping 3 kilos, which isn't unusual for me because my weight fluctuates all the time!

Anyway, I think after tonights meal, I've put all of that weight back on. Whilst my mum and sister went all civilised with small plates, I went to town! 2 mountainous plates of mains and starters:

And then an overflowing bowl of sugar.

This is the first food coma that I have been in for a very long time, and I don't know whether to be impressed with the amount of food that I've managed to put away or disgusted with myself.

Because of my terrible relationship with food in the past, it's difficult for me to prevent the negative mindset from coming back in. There's that little voice in my head after having a cheat meal like that that's saying 'you're disgusting, binging like that, you shouldn't eat tomorrow to make up for it'. But I'm getting to a point now where it's getting easier and easier to block that voice out.

Growing a healthier relationship with food has taken me years, and of course I do still have slip ups where I let the 'bad thoughts' get the better of me, but now it's just skipping a meal once every now and again as opposed to not eating for 2-3 days.

Remembering that life is for living and who cares if I carry a few extra lbs here or there, as long as I'm happy and enjoying myself, why does it matter that I don't look like the airbrushed stick thin model walking down the catwalk? We're not all built to be that way.