I’m not mental I swear...

It’s been a while since I last wrote about my mental health/posted anything at all. Hopefully we’re on our way out of lockdown, though I’m not 100% sure that we’re clear of having a second wave or lockdown which could be harsher but c’est la vie.

I know that, with lockdown, a lot of people who don’t usually suffer with their mental health have struggled. I, on the other hand, have actually found that it’s really helped mine.

With a tumultuous start to the year, it’s safe to say that my mental health was at the lowest point it ever had been. I’d had my anxiety progress into depression in the past, but never to the level that it was at in January/February. As much as I would like to say that my break up and the feelings that I still harboured didn’t affect me, they most certainly did, especially with how drawn out it all was and the crossover between me and his now girlfriend...

Before lockdown, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to work, I wasn’t eating and even the thought of just having a shower drew enough energy from me that I just didn't do it. Because of all this, I finally decided that it was time for me to explore the option of therapy, as opposed to CBT, this time and look into the option of medication. This all coincided with lockdown so I only had one appointment with a psychiatrist face to face and two sessions with my therapist face to face before moving on to virtual appointments.

You would think that not being able to see my friends etc during lockdown would heighten my mental health but, in all honesty, it really helped. I had just moved to a new house with 2 other housemates but I made the executive decision to move back to mum and dad's, thinking it would just be for 3 weeks when it actually turned out being 3 months.

Being around such a strong family unit and having their support definitely had a positive impact on my mental health and also helped make the relationships that I already had with them so much stronger. I’m lucky in the sense that I had 4 other people in the house to chat to/spend time with/wind up, 3 of whom were in the house all the time (my Dad - despite being ‘at risk’ - was still going out every day to work and, in all honesty, I think that he would have lost the plot and run out of things to do if he had been stuck at home for 3 months!). I know that there are people who only have one other person with them and they may not necessarily have the best relationship with that person.

My sister and I spent pretty much every day together doing something during the day/evening from watching the Marvel films in chronological order to offering to go to Tescos for mum, just for an excuse to get out of the house/get more snacks. Not that I want to compliment her too much and make her head any larger, but she definitely played a huge part in me putting myself back together. She just has such a positive energy around her that it’s infectious. She can't take all the credit though - having my mum there to just give me a hug when I needed it or watch trash TV, having my brother come in to my room to show me all the funny TikToks that he’d found through the day and having a good bitch about the work day with my dad accompanied by a cigarette when he got home, all contributed to a much happier Holly.

Having those 3 months to reset and go back to basics has really helped me get back to who I am and who I was prior to my last 2 relationships. Not giving a fuck and being strong enough to tell people to get to fuck when it’s needed. I can’t remember the last time that I cried at something other than a TV show. Don’t get me wrong, I've had wobbles and weeks where I have felt down but, you know what? That’s normal. Being run down from a busy work week with loads of stress and shitty weather is, of course, gonna have it’s effect on anyone, even someone who now has all these coping mechanisms to help. But it’s not that overwhelming feeling of dread and wondering what the point is anymore.

I guess the point that I’m trying to get at is that sometimes going back to basics can do you the world of good. Stripping back and just spending quality time with the ones that mean the most to you can have a massively positive impact on you as well as positively impacting that relationship too.